Trust
A couple of Sundays ago at church the speaker asked us to spend time asking God what room He would like access to in our hearts that we aren't allowing Him into.
Of course my natural mind went to all the places of sin or waste in my life. But that wasn't where He wanted me to invite Him. Instead, He wanted in to the room that doesn't fully trust Him.
I was pretty shaken because I feel like I do trust God.
When someone says to "trust God" I feel like the response is to not worry anymore, knowing that He has it all under control.
And I get that. We should definitely trust that our loving Father is there for us and knows what we need and when. He has our families, friends, finances, all of it in His hands.
When we talk about trusting God in Christian circles, we always refer to Romans 8:28, comforting ourselves with the fact that He will indeed work out our troubles, trade our sorrows for joy, and use the hardships we endure for something beautiful.
What if trusting God looks different than we think.
What if it also means asking Him the hard questions and trusting He can handle it.
Why does this keep happening to me?
Why aren't they saved?
What am I doing wrong?
Why don't you just make them better already?
Why did they die?
What if it means telling Him how you really feel and trusting He will still love you?
God, I'm tired and scared.
I'm sad. I don't know what is wrong with me.
I'm weary from waiting.
I'm angry.
I'm anxious.
Because all of this is also true. He is in the details of our days, hours and minutes of our lives. He wants us to bring our broken hearts and hard questions to Him. He can handle it and He will still love us, even in the midst of our anger, exhaustion, sadness and fear.
So, Jesus, help us, help me to trust you fully and allow you into those rooms we've tried to keep hidden from you and sometimes even ourselves.
