Red

It was your favorite color when you were a tiny boy. You loved all things red. Your favorite shirt was red shirt with a ball on it, you wanted to wear it every. single. day. until it was way too small.

You always wanted the red balloon and the red hot wheel car and the red candy and the red kool-aid and the red everything.

Then you found out your dad's favorite color was blue. Your love and admiration for him changed your mind about your favorite color. Now it's all about the blue, just like daddy.

You have blue walls in your room and you always choose the blue shirts and even the blue candy. It's like a tribute. It helps you feel close to him and not forget him.

It makes me smile and helps me remember too.

The blue always compliments your eyes., just like it did his eyes.

Joining in with Lisa Jo Baker for Five Minute Fridays! 5 minutes of unedited writing! Join in and be blessed!

To find out more, click HERE!

On Friendship {FMF-Small}

When God Answers Prayers 

You Didn't Know You Were Praying

I am reflecting on the past six months and realizing the joy that has come to my life through some new friendships.

Sometimes you don't know what you were missing until it is right in front of you.

Sometimes you meet someone and instantly you know that they belong in your life. 

Sometimes you meet them online first!!!!

Then you meet them in real life at inRL and your life is changed for the better.

Sometimes God knows what and who you need before you do. (OK, so he knows ALL the time.)

It is no small thing to step out of your comfort zone and into someone else's life or to let them into yours.
And the impact is anything but small.

I am so thankful for friendships that are developing in my life.

God knew what I needed and His timing is perfect.

Joining in with Five Minute Friday with Lisa Jo Baker and friends for five minutes of unedited writing fun! Join in and be blessed! To learn more or to join the fun, click HERE.

Story

 

Joining LisaJo for 5 Minute Friday! This weeks word is STORY. Click HERE to learn more and join the fun!

STORY

The Story of my life. We all have one. I've spent a lot of time trying to write my own. I wanted it to look a certain way, I only wanted people to see the good parts, the happy parts. The beautiful.

But that isn't true life, that is a story. 

I want to share my life with people, all of my life, not just the pretty parts. You don't truly get to know someone, to trust them, to have relationship and community until you share your whole life, even the ugly parts.

So now, I am writing a new story for myself, one where there are no hidden chapters, where fear isn't hidden behind a smile, where grief has its place. No edits and re-writes. 

I want my life to be an open book.

There is life and love in our stories and I want to share mine with you. 

(And I want to be a part of yours!)

Present

I'm joining in with LisaJo for Five Minute Friday! Learn more about it and join the fun HERE

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no   backtracking. 

2. Link back here and invite others to join in. 

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.. 

I've been blessed beyond belief the last couple of weeks. To the point that I can't believe it. On one hand I want to yell from the rooftops the wonderful ways that God has provided for me. The way He continues to take care of me and Tanner. 

On the other hand, I feel like it's so extravagant that it's almost like bragging. I certainly don't deserve all of these blessings. Why me? 

Then I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine. I was telling her of these blessings and she was rejoicing with me! When I was told her how I was feeling conflicted about it, this is what she said to me:

"You are a daughter of the King of kings! Why wouldn't He give you all these blessings? He loves you!"

Something in my heart changed right in that moment as those words penetrated not just my ears, but my heart. God, my father, He loves me. He wants to take care of me. He wants to give me good gifts.

(Oh ya, and the devil, the one who says I don't deserve it, the one who whispers "why you?" in my ear, he is a liar.)

So I am here to shout from the rooftops how good God is! What a wonderful provider He is! How He loves me!  And I accept the gifts from Him as that, a present because He loves me and wants to take care of me, not because I'm "good enough" or because I "deserve" it, but because He loves me. 

In the next few weeks I will be having my furnace, water heater, central air conditioning, and my refrigerator all replaced at essentially no cost to me. As each appliance is replaced I will be thanking God knowing in my heart how much He loves me and I'll be sharing His love with anyone who will listen! 

And in the fall, when I am able to send my son to the christian school I've been praying about, I'll be telling everyone that the only way we could do it is because God provided. I had to spend all of my savings for his tuition on a major car repair, but I was informed last week that we would be getting a bonus in a couple of months! According to my manager, it should be double what I had to spend on my car repair. God is good and He loves His children.

"Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!"

                                                                   Matthew 7:9-11

In Between

I don't even know how this happened, that you are so big already. You are just a few months shy of double digits! Yet in my mind you are still my baby, always will be I suppose. But, in reality, you are not a baby. You aren't grown yet either, though. You are in between.

The other day you found some clothes you wore as a tiny newborn baby. Oh, how looking at them just grabbed my heart and squeezed til I could hardly breathe. Where did all the time go?  It's hard to believe you were ever that itty bitty.

Now, as I remember how you fell asleep sprawled over the recliner, legs long and hair messy, I ache for how quickly you are growing. So smart, so funny, so loving.

I am loving this in between time with you. We have hilarious conversations and sometimes I wonder how you got so smart! Other times you are still my little boy and hold my hand and want to cuddle with me. My heart bursts in those moments.

Son,  you are my greatest gift. You are a treasure to me and I don't want to miss a single minute of this wonderful time with you.

I'm linking up with LisaJo Baker for Five Minute Fridays! Join in and be blessed HERE!

Rhythm

Rhythm. 

The first thing that comes to mind about this word is that I cannot spell it. Ever. I always have to look it up. In fact, when I went to start this I had to refer back to Lisa-Jo's post to make sure I was spelling it right.

Yet, this hard to spell word seems to be a constant in my life.

I am always moved by the rhythm of things.

I'm comforted by the even back and forth of the rocking chair.

I'm soothed by the steady tapping of my foot.

The breathing of a sleeping baby is the sweetest rhythm of all.

The sound of waves beating against the shore.

The continual beating of a heart, the pounding rain on a rooftop.

I find God in the rhythm, a reminder that He is constant, like a rhythm.


I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker today for Five Minute Friday! To learn more and join in, click here!

Hello Mornings - Believe

He says it over and over and over again.

Believe.

"I tell you the truth, those who listen to my message and believe in God who sent me have eternal life. They will never be condemned for their sins, but they have already passed from death into life."  John 5:24

And not only that. Once we believe we have eternal life. It is done. There is nothing we can do to earn our salvation.

Not...once you change your ways and stop sinning. 

Not....once you do enough good deeds

Not....if you read your Bible enough

Not....if you pray hard enough and attend church regularly

Now.....we HAVE eternal life, from the moment we first believe we "have already passed from death into life." (John 5:24b)

This verse says it all:

Jesus told them, "This is the only work God wants from you; Believe in the one He has sent." 

John 6:29

All we are required to do is BELIEVE. Everything else will fall into place. He will change our hearts and guide our actions. Our belief will lead us into prayer and worship and good deeds and out of sin. Our belief will cause us to follow Him. It becomes the desire of our hearts to do His will. 

I'm doing the Meet Jesus study with the Hello Mornings group HMCPsalm1438 and this is what He has been impressing on me. Just believe. Quit trying so hard to earn my way, just believe. It's where everything starts.

So, although our study is from John, my prayer today is from the book of Mark: 

"The father instantly cried out, "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!" 

Mark 9:24

"For it is my Father's will that all who see his Son and believe in him should have eternal life. I will raise them up at the last day."

John 6:40

View

I think about you a lot.
Missing you every day.
It's the little things that remind me of you......
A song that was your favorite,
A bike tire that needs fixing,
The sound of a lawnmower and the smell of fresh cut grass,
Our boy wearing your cologne to remind himself of you.....

It helps knowing where you are
Who you are with......
Sometimes I try to imagine the view.....
The golden streets,
The pearl gates,
The angels,
The room that Jesus made just for you.
And the one He is preparing for me.

Linking up with Lisa Jo Baker for Five Minute Fridays. Join in and be blessed!

Comfort

I know it's Thursday and we are just hours away from a new prompt for 5 Minute Fridays with Lisa Jo, but I've had this word on my mind all week. Since I had to do a tiny bit of "research" --does looking up words count as research?!?----I suppose I'm not following the rules, but here goes anyway! Just under the wire....

COMFORT

A few months back, during a sermon on Sunday morning, the pastor speaking was talking about the Holy Spirit and how He is our comforter. He then went on to explain that in Hebrew the word comfort actually means strengthen. I wanted to know more so I looked it up for myself......it not only means strengthen, it also means sustain, support .....comfort.

This is so much more than my version of comfort which was to soothe and console. And those are an important part of comfort, but to be strengthened, supported, sustained......it is so much more powerful!

 It also made me look back on my hardest of times and be able to see His presence with me. Holding me up, supporting me, sustaining me, strengthening me.....comforting me.

Linking up (a little late!) with Lisa Jo Baker for Five Minute Fridays! To join in click HERE!

Brave

Brave. It has been a topic of conversation around our house lately.

My 3rd grade son has been having trouble with a boy in his class bullying him. It is really hard to take, my momma bear really rises up. My son is a people-pleaser, conflict-avoider, super-sensitive, follow-alonger. I would like to say I have no idea where he got that from, but I can't. He totally got it from me.

I'm trying to teach him differently though.  I'm praying he can learn from my experiences and be brave way before I was. I'm learning it won't take him as long to trust Jesus as it did me.  See I used to think that "brave" meant having no fear. I was totally wrong, brave is having fear and doing it anyway.....that's what makes it brave. The other side to that is learning to trust Jesus in our fear. Knowing that Jesus is with us can make us brave in spite of our fear.

So, we've been praying and my son has been brave. He's gone to school and has been having a great week. (And the other boy has left him alone.)

Soon, I'll be taking lessons on bravery from him.

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I'm linking up with LisaJo today for Five Minute Friday! Join in and be blessed! To find out more, click HERE.

inRL

About this time last year I happened upon a couple of blogs. Up until then, I didn't know a lot about blogs, bloggers and the online community that surrounds them. But once you read Lisa Jo Baker, Kristen Welch and Ann Voskamp you want to know more. You want to be a part of what is happening there. They are all bloggers for (in)Courage, a daily devotional website for women.

Last Saturday, (in)Courage sponsored an international "meetup" called inRL (in real life). There was a webcast on Friday night and then local meet-ups on Saturday. When registration opened a few months back, I signed up right away, and sat at my desk in tears feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit leading me. Signing up for this conference broke something in me. I have lived a life of fear for way too long but Jesus has been calling me to be brave and has held my hand as I took baby steps.

I subscribed to all the blogs of the local women and followed them on Twitter. Over the last few months I have gotten to know a few of the ladies through their blogs and conversations on Twitter. I've felt a connection to a few of them that is indescribable considering we had never heard each other's voices or seen each others faces.

But God has His plans and one of the ladies invited me to coffee with another friend. Crazily, I said yes and the three of us met for lunch and it was so amazing. The strangest thing happened though, I wasn't really scared. A little nervous, yes, but not worried about the outcome. We had a beautiful time, marveled at our bravery, and promised to do it again soon.

Skip forward to last weekend. The ladies I had met were unable to attend inRL so I was headed to a church an hour away and I didn't know a soul except through the internet. I have always been a nervous person and always fearful that no one will like me, that I won't fit in. This is not something I do, yet there was no hesitation. There was no trying to talk myself out of going. In fact, I was excited! During the whole drive my mind was occupied with the beauty of the day and anticipation of what would happen at the event. My palms didn't get sweaty until I was about 6 blocks away! Like I said, this was so unlike me I was actually surprised.

I wound my way through the hallways of the church, following the scripture signs leading the way. When I reached my destination, I was welcomed by the lovely buzz of ladies talking and getting to know each other and a familiar face from Twitter greeting me. The room was filled with beautiful women, delicious treats, gorgeous beach themed decorations and love. I could feel it from the moment I walked in.

I learned a lot that afternoon. I listened to some amazing women speak truth right into our hearts. But the biggest lesson that I learned was that when Jesus is present, we do not need to be afraid. And He was there, in the warm smiles and welcoming hugs. He was there, teaching us that if we follow Him, there is nothing to fear.

I am hopeful for the relationships that will come about from inRL. God really ordained the whole afternoon and it was so evident in the way that everything worked out. Even the next day when I went to my own church, my "regular" community, it felt different, better. I was so much more thankful for them all and felt the urge to reach out and extend myself farther, be a little braver, follow Him a little closer.

Friend

Friend. It is such a powerful word. Such an important word. For the longest time I was hurt, betrayed and withdrawn from friendship. I convinced myself I didn't need friends. I had my husband and my son and my family. What else did I need?

But it was lonely if I was honest. With no girls to giggle with, no one to turn to when things were hard. No one to tell the things I didn't really want to talk to my mom about.

Then I started to rely more on Jesus. Trusting him with my fears and my feelings. Through that, He opened my heart to real friendship. He made my heart brave(er) and I opened my door to one girl. One invitation, one dinner, has opened my heart to so much more. Through this one friend He has shown me how He loves me, how I can trust Him and the friends He leads me to. She has taught me the true meaning of friendship.

#Love #Honesty #Support #Prayer #Hugs #Truth #Friends #Love 

Today I am linking up with LisaJo for 5 Minute Friday! Join in and be blessed! Click HERE for the details!

Jump

My son is constantly jumping...on everything. He is a boy and he is 9, I suppose it comes with the territory but it drives me completely batty!!! He jumps on his bed and I fell like he will come through the ceiling when I am in the room below. So I make him stop. He jumps from the recliner to the couch to the other recliner and back again. He is pretending to be some jungle animal. But "we don't jump on the furniture" so I make him stop. Yesterday, we got a ton of April snow here in Minnesota so he went out to play. He didn't wear his snow pants but he was jumping and rolling in the snow. My instinct was to march right out there and tell him to stop. But I didn't. Instead I went out and played with him. We built a snowman, complete with easter egg eyes, an angry birds hat, a highlighter for a nose and my bright red scarf. We had a blast! Sometimes I just need to remember to take a deep breath and just jump, have fun, enjoy this gift of life we've been given. And my boy is the best one to remind me of this!

Today I am linking up with LisaJo for Five Minute Friday! Click here to find out what it's all about! Join in and be blessed!

Broken

Last night we remembered Passover and the Last Supper while we had our own dinner. It was the first time we've done this, but it felt important to do it this year. 

As we told the story of Passover, I was so impressed with what my son remembered and how he was able to connect the history to the symbolism and how it relates to us today. 

Then we talked about the Last Supper. 
We read the scriptures in Luke. 
We talked about sin.
We talked about sacrifice. 
We talked about Jesus on the cross. 
His body broken for us. 
To save us. 

Then we had communion together as family. 
Remembering Him.
Remember His sacrifice. 
Remembering His broken body.
Remembering His love.

Luke 22:14-20

14 When the hour came, Jesus and his apostles reclined at the table.

15 and he said to them, "I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer.

16 For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it finds fulfillment in the kingdom of God."

17 After taking the cup, he gave thanks and said, "Take this and divide it among you.

18 For I tell you I will not drink again from the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes."

19 And he took the bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me."

20 In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you."

Today I am linking up with Lisa-Jo for 5 Minute Fridays. To find out more, click here. Join in and be blessed! 

REST

Rest. It makes me think of the supernatural rest we can experience in Jesus when we just remember to go to Him with our weary bones.

When my husband was diagnosed with cancer almost 3 years ago to the day I was wrought with anxiety and fear. When you are faced with this awful knowing, the facts are not your friends. Google became my worst enemy telling me everything I didn't want to hear about my husbands chances.  Rushing to tests, surgeries, chemo, all of it was so tiring and had my edges worn and frayed, I was only holding together by the slimmest of threads.

Then I came to the point where I didn't want to hear anymore of it, no website, no brochure, no one knew what was going to happen to my husband except God. He is the one who numbers our days, no one else. I turned to God, I trusted Him for the outcome. That was His will would be done. I soaked in His word and prayed countless prayers. I breathed Romans 8:28.

In that, I found rest that cannot be explained with human terms. During the most difficult time of my life, I had rest. The rest that comes with turning everything over to Him. The rest that only He can provide.

He is tried and true. His love is never-ending and the comfort He provides is like none other.

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Today, I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for 5 Minute Friday. Join in and be blessed! :)

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.


2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Home

Home.  I'm sitting home. Alone.

This never happens. It is so quiet I can hear the ringing in my ears. 

My son is having a sleepover at a friends house tonight. Thus my reprieve. It seems blissful at first. Heavenly silence. I long for it all the time. But now that I've got it, it seems a bit lonely. 

Home is made up of all the wonderful sounds of childhood. Running up and down steps, giggling over tickles. Cuddles and pleas to stay up "just 5 more minutes". 

The sounds of home are so precious. I hope to never take them for granted and to enjoy each minute of noisy boy racket, remote control engines revving at my feet, requests for cookies and string cheese....... 

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Today I'm joining Lisa-Jo for 5 Minute Friday......

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Join in and be blessed!!!!!

Ordinary

The beauty of an ordinary day

He was recovering from a week of being sick and slept a good 2 hours longer than on a normal Saturday.

When he finally roused, we cuddled on the couch and watched old Godzilla cartoons from the '90's that I didn't even know existed.

It is still winter, but the sun was shining and it was exceptionally warm for a February in Minnesota so we took a walk, splashing in the puddles and crunching the crusty, frozen snow.

We ate peanut butter sandwiches and yogurt for lunch washing it all down with pink lemonade.

We searched Pinterest for a project that we actually had the supplies for. The upside of never emptying the bathroom garbage is an abundance of toilet paper rolls. We settled on a toilet-paper tube snake!

We talked and laughed and even did a little housework.

We ended the day with dinner at mom's (all the way across the street) a blessing for sure.

We ended the day where we started, cuddling on the couch watching more episodes of Godzilla.

It was an ordinary day that was anything but.

I wish that all Saturdays could be this "ordinary".

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I'm linking up with LisaJo today for 5 Minute Fridays!

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

It was bound to happen

I heard him crunching the ice on the sidewalk as he walked in. He bounded in the door, his usual energetic self, happy with his new haircut.

He said he wanted to talk to me about something and he went over the couch and sat down. He patted the seat next to him and summoned me to sit with him. I couldn't resist the invitation. I knew he must be serious since that is what I always do when I want to have a serious talk with him. So, even though it was nearly bedtime and he still needed a shower to get rid of all the "tickly hair" around his neck, I sat.

He said "I want to know about my dad. Not my dad who died, but my first dad." Panic struck my insides. Why didn't he want to talk about sex or something?!?!?

It's not like the topic of "Old Dad", as we refer to him, never comes up. But, usually, it is just a brief question here and there.

That night he wanted the details......"Start at the beginning mom, where did you and my first dad meet?"

Here is the thing.....Old Dad was a drug dealer, I was addicted, we were a complete and total mess. My life was everything I pray his will not be. Things didn't end well with Old Dad. We went to court, got restraining orders, finally moved away and haven't had any contact since. That was 6 1/2 years ago.

Questions about him were always asked about why we didn't see him anymore. The answers have been a little more detailed as he gets older. He knows a little about the drugs, but mostly that he was "mean" to me. This is an understatement. He stalked me and terrorized me to no end when I decided to leave him. But, he doesn't need the details.

I gave him a few details of how we met and ushered him to the shower with promises that I would tell him more later.

As he showered, I paced my room. Praying quickly "Lord, what should I say to him?"

Then it happened. I remembered some good things about Old Dad. I remembered how kind he was to people. How he was always the first to help. I told Tanner about these things, from behind the shower curtain. I told him how much he liked to ride bicycles, one of Tanner's very favorite things to do. I told him how Old Dad protected me when I needed it.

He got out of the shower and into bed. As I tucked him in, I told him how Old Dad wasn't a bad person but that he had a lot of problems. That drugs make us make super bad choices. That sometimes, our problems are so big that the only way out is Jesus. 

I told him how much I loved him and that is why we had to stop being around Old Dad. That I couldn't risk him being taken away from me. That he was more important to me than anything or anyone else.

I think he needed to hear that he was born out of love. He needed to know that there was good in old dad. That he wasn't destined to be "bad", that he had a chance.

It would have been easy to ignore the prompting to tell him the good about his Old Dad. It was scary to tell him some of the truth that I'd rather keep hidden.

My heart was softened that night. I think both of our hearts were healed a bit.

God is so good at knowing what we need and when we need it.

What Mama Did

She held my hair...........


When I read this prompt the very first thing that I think of is that she held my hair. When I was a girl I had very long hair.....she loved my long blond hair. But when I would get sick, this beautiful hair was sure to get in my way and mom was always there to hold it back for me. Perhaps this isn't the most beautiful image, but in reality it symbolizes the never ending love that mom had/has for me. She was always there stroking my hair and making sure I was ok. It really is the little things that make the biggest impression. To this day when I am sick, I long for my mom to come over and hold back my hair and comfort me in the way that only a mother can.

A close second would be the bunny cakes that she always made for my birthday that always falls near Easter! :)

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Today I am linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for 5 Minute Fridays!

This weeks prompt is "What Mama Did".

In just five minutes. Tell me all about what your mama did that made her yours…
{and don’t forget to spend some time commenting on the post of the person who linked up just before you}

Click HERE to join in!

Beloved

Beloved

Beloved......This is a hard word for me. Yesterday was Valentine's Day, a day for lovers. Hard for me because my beloved is in heaven now. Last year, my first Valentine's day with out him, was hard in a different way, everything was still new so the hurt was much more raw. This year, it was different, I grieved the little things. My honey was a romantic at heart and always picked the most beautiful cards and wrote me beautiful lines of love. I miss that.

The other thing that was hard was that I wanted to express my sorrow, but didn't want to be a downer for others. How do I express myself without looking like I'm asking for sympathy? A simple heart on my honey's still active Facebook page was what I chose.

My son and I also made it a special day with a Dairy Queen date! My evening ended with suprise flowers and chocolates from an amazing couple at my church. God showed me I was HIS beloved and He sees my heart and He knew I needed a little extra love yesterday.
    
 Today I'm joining Lisa-Jo for 5 Minute Friday.......Here's the deal:  

1. Write for 5 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing.

2. Link back here and invite others to join in {www.lisajobaker.com}.

3. Go and tell the person who linked up before you what their words meant to you. Every writer longs to feel heard.

Join in and be blessed!!!!

Bare

Bare.

This week has been a tough one. I've got a place in my heart that I've been burying so deep that I forgot it was even there. God exposed it this week. He bared this place for me to see and for Him to heal. It hurts. A lot. Both the actual wound itself and the realization that it is causing me not to fully trust in Him.  The wound is the loss of my husband to cancer. I truly thought that I was past the part where I didn't trust God for the best for me. But as it turns out, I'm still kind of upset that He didn't provide us the miracle that we prayed for so fervently. He revealed this to me on Sunday evening and every. single. day. this week He has been faithful to provide me with examples of why HE IS TRUSTWORTHY. 

Times up. But I just wanted to share what He has been doing to bolster my trust. On Monday morning, through the Hello Mornings Abounding Hope Bible study of Job, He showed me that my suffering is not punishment. Seriously. This was so huge for me. Then yesterday we learned of God's tenderness. His tenderness. This isn't a quality I automatically attribute to God. He showed me that tenderness does not equal weakness and gave me a glimpse of the tenderness He feels. Then this morning we studied the armor of God and that He gives us everything we need in Him.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that He has more in store for me over the coming weeks as the Hello Morning email last Monday said that we would be studying Job and trust for the next 6 weeks!

It brings tears to my eyes to think of how He meets me in my place of weakness and hurt and heals my wounds. He waits patiently for me to be ready to accept his healing and grace. He is so faithful!

And I wonder why I have been so tired this week! :)


                                                        


I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo today for Five Minute Friday.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Go buck wild with encouragement for the five minuter who linked up before you.

HelloMornings-Week 1

This week I started a 3-month challenge called Hello Mornings. The goal of the challenge is to get up earlier in the morning and spend time with God, exercising and planning your day. The motto is:
              
It's been a week since I started and I can't believe the difference I'm experiencing in my life already.

Let me start by saying that I have NEVER been a morning person. I have been pressing the snooze button since I was in junior high school. Literally, my alarm was set a half an hour early so that I could snooze. Then I read this about not snoozing. I haven't pressed the snooze button even once since I read this last week.

I have gotten so much out of the Abounding Hope Bible study in just a few days. It is amazing the way God meets us when we go even just a tiny bit out of our way to be with Him. I've got 1 Peter 1 buried in my heart and I'm not letting go. The studies are brief but so powerful. Each day I have been able to reflect back on the mornings lesson throughout the day.

                                         

Oh and I've exercised. Every. Day. This. Week. My tendency would be to belittle what I have done and qualify it with and "only this long" or some such thing. I've fought the urge to qualify my successes. Yesterday morning as I was driving to work I had the revelation that when we berate ourselves, we are really berating God. All good things come from Him. The victories that I've been having each morning this week come from Him so when I belittle them, I am belittling His work. 

I've also planned out each of my days. I've made meal plans and actually stuck to them! The stress that this relieves in my afternoons is amazing! Rather than coming home from work and scrambling to find something for dinner, I am able to just make the planned meal and spend more time with my son.  Plus, it's saving me money because I'm not running to the store or through a drive through after work.

Don't get me started on how planning just a few chores to do each day means I actually get something done, rather than being overwhelmed by the giant to-do list and doing nothing.

I am so excited for what Hello Mornings is doing for my days! My mornings are so much less stressful as are my evenings. And the community that is being built is such a blessing! I look forward to hearing from the #HMCPsalm1438 ladies each morning on Twitter. The accountability is key!

I'm so glad God brought me to this challenge and I'm really looking forward to what the future holds early in the morning!

AFRAID

AFRAID- 5 MINUTE FRIDAY

It's Friday (YAY!) and I'm linking up with LisaJo Baker for 5 Minute Fridays.

It's a wonderful writing exercise and an even better community! Come join us and be blessed!

This weeks word is "AFRAID."

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.

2. Link back here and invite others to join in.  

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.


Afraid. Boy this is a tough one. I'd rather not admit that I've lived most of my life afraid.

Afraid people won't like me.
Afraid I won't be "good enough."
Afraid of disease.
Afraid of trying new things.
Afraid of failure.
Afraid of success.
Afraid of relationships.



......Afraid of God.

It chokes me up just to type the words. It's no coincidence that this weeks word is afraid. Just this week as I was doing a discipleship study with a dear friend, God brought this fear to my attention.

We were studying the Holy Spirit. Our memory verse was:

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all of Judea and Sumaria and to the ends of the earth." 

~Acts 1:8

As we were talking it through, my difficulty in relating to the Holy Spirit, God gave me the revelation that I have been scared of the power that comes with the Holy Spirit.

Ouch. That one stung a bit, I have to admit. Scared of letting God do His good work in and through me.

But, knowing is half the battle. Now my prayer is that I will be released from this fear so that I can fully embrace all that He has for me.

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

 ~Romans 8:15

 P.s....I was really afraid to write this post. All week I was thinking about how I could share this. Apparently God really wanted me to share this since He had LisaJo pick "Afraid" as this weeks topic. :)

AGAIN

AGAIN - 5 MINUTE FRIDAY

It's Friday (YAY!) and I'm linking up with LisaJo Baker for 5 Minute Fridays. It's a wonderful writing exercise and an even better community! Come join us and be blessed! This weeks word is "Again."

Here are the "rules":

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.


2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..



Again.........

I drag myself out of bed, again.
I pick out his clothes and go wake him up, my sweet son.
I tell him to comb his hair and brush his teeth.....again. (and again and again!)
I pull myself together and hopefully remember to brush my own teeth.
I go to work, make the money to pay the bills and put the food on the table.
I run home and settle into the hectic evening.
I make dinner, do laundry, pick up the house.....again.
We struggle through homework and practice the spelling words.
We splash through bath time and get everything ready for morning, again.

He asks me to tuck him in and give him another kiss and hug.
I snuggle in and cuddle him and love him.
I am so blessed that I get to do it again.
I love this boy of mine more than any words and I'd do it all again
Every. single. minute.

Sometimes We all need a miracle

On my way to work this morning, I heard this song:

I Need a Miracle by Third Day

I've heard this song countless times, but for some reason this morning, it went straight to my heart. 

In my car, on my way to work, tears flowing, heart so broken and so full at the same time. 

Someone I barely know (but is a sister in Jesus) is asking prayer for her sister in a desperate situation. 

The kind of situation where Jesus is the ONLY solution. 

It's Him or nothing.

I've been praying for a miracle. 

Sometimes, we all need a miracle.

Cherished-Five Minute Friday

Joining LisaJoBaker today for Five Minute Friday!

Here's the skinny:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking


2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. That is like the one rule we all really care about. For reals.

Cherished

When I first saw the word "cherished" in my email this morning as the prompt for FMF, the first thing that came to my mind was a documentary I watched last week called Finger of God. At the very end they were praying for a homeless man and the narrator was wondering aloud "why him? why this homeless man?" He then had the revelation of God's love for this man. That he was a prince, a child of the king. I was undone. We are all the same, children of God and we are cherished by Him. This still goes straight to my heart.

Then I read LisaJo's post and a couple of others that come to my email. I usually try not to do this so that I won't be swayed in what I write. But I read them anyway. Then I cried. Tears at work, always fun. But their posts about being loved by their husbands and cherishing them. Oh, how I miss my husband. I miss holding hands and falling asleep together. I miss looking into his eyes and seeing how he cherished me. I miss being a wife. I miss him and I cherish the memories the I have, tucked away in my heart.


(For those that don't know me, Jerry went home to Jesus Sept. 30, 2011 after a year and a half battle with pancreatic cancer.)

 This was our last "date". A riverboat ride for his birthday about 3 weeks before he passed away.

 This was taken during our God-given roadtrip. A family vacation in Aug. 2011.

Our first Christmas together :)

Our Wedding <3>

Community inRL

I'm the kind of person who likes to be alone. I'm perfectly fine to be home alone with my son, reading a book while he plays. I get plenty of interaction through social media. I go to church on Sunday mornings and fellowship then.

It's just who I am.

Except that it's not who I am.

These are just some of the lies that I've been telling myself so that I could avoid the fear involved in truly opening up my life and letting people in. The fear involved in being part of a community. The fear that no one will like me, that I will let other people down.

The truth is....I come alive around people! I love hearing their stories and telling my own! It is inspiring to see how God is working through others. Community is a beautiful thing!

Over the last couple of years God has slowly been introducing me to community. After my husband passed, I was alone in my free time. Throughout his illness and passing God started building community for me. People began bringing us meals, sending cards, taking Jerry to appointments when I couldn't, stopping over for visits. When he went home to be with Jesus, so many people were there to support us. I know without even a shadow of a doubt that it was the prayers of so many that got us through this time.

When I bought my townhouse 6 months ago, people I didn't even know offered to help me move. My community was growing. God was moving in my life. He prompted me to invite one of the women to dinner, despite my fear. I just really wanted to be friends with her. Immediately we developed a beautiful friendship. God has blessed me so richly through her!

Over the last couple of months He has brought me into a book study with women in my church that has opened even more doors for community and friendship. It is so amazing how He works.

So, when I started getting the emails about the (in)Courage/(in)RL conference/meetup happening in April, my heart was filled with desire to be involved (and fear of the unknown). Of course, I was sure that there wouldn't be any local meet-ups. So when registration opened up yesterday I was so beyond excited to see that there WAS a local group and not only that, but it had the highest registration!! God is good!

I registered and was so blessed just by registering. My heart was full! I've already been able to connect with several of the women by attending my first Twitter Party! Amazing! I can't wait to find out what God has in store for us!

If you would like to know more about the (in)RL event, click here! It's FREE and sure to be amazing!

Opportunity

 Today I am linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for.....

 

The "rules":
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

This weeks topic is OPPORTUNITY!

GO!

It's a new year, a fresh start, an opportunity to begin again. 

This week I've been thinking a lot about this.  I've been contemplating the ultimate opportunity that we've been given in Jesus. His death and resurrection give us a fresh start in Him. We have an opportunity to begin again. We are forgiven and washed clean of our sins. So this new year, I am thankful for Jesus and the opportunity that He has given us. 

What a wonderful gift! The chance to start over, a new life in Christ. 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

                                                                                                              2 Corinthians 5:17

My prayer for this year is that we grab hold of the opportunity that we've been given in Christ and take full advantage of the gift of a new life.