FMF-Grateful

There are so many things I am grateful for. But grateful is more than I how I feel about the things I have or the blessings in my life.

Grateful is a heart posture that I am learning to live by.

In the hard times I am grateful for the faithfulness of my Heavenly Father who is always there for me and sees my pain.

On the hard days, I am grateful for the roof over my head.

On the days that we are struggling to get homework done, I am grateful for the education that my son is receiving.

On the cold winter days that seem never-ending, I am grateful that spring always follows.

On the days I miss my husband, I am grateful for the memories.

On the days I get caught up in guilt and shame, I am grateful for His Son who took what I deserve.

I am grateful that no matter what the world throws my way, I know that my future is secure.

I am grateful that no matter how I feel about myself or perceive the world to see me, I am loved by the Creator of the universe and that is enough.

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

                             ~Habakkuk 3:18

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Today I am linking up with LisaJo for Five Minute Friday. 

Join in and be blessed!

Red

It was your favorite color when you were a tiny boy. You loved all things red. Your favorite shirt was red shirt with a ball on it, you wanted to wear it every. single. day. until it was way too small.

You always wanted the red balloon and the red hot wheel car and the red candy and the red kool-aid and the red everything.

Then you found out your dad's favorite color was blue. Your love and admiration for him changed your mind about your favorite color. Now it's all about the blue, just like daddy.

You have blue walls in your room and you always choose the blue shirts and even the blue candy. It's like a tribute. It helps you feel close to him and not forget him.

It makes me smile and helps me remember too.

The blue always compliments your eyes., just like it did his eyes.

Joining in with Lisa Jo Baker for Five Minute Fridays! 5 minutes of unedited writing! Join in and be blessed!

To find out more, click HERE!

Story

 

Joining LisaJo for 5 Minute Friday! This weeks word is STORY. Click HERE to learn more and join the fun!

STORY

The Story of my life. We all have one. I've spent a lot of time trying to write my own. I wanted it to look a certain way, I only wanted people to see the good parts, the happy parts. The beautiful.

But that isn't true life, that is a story. 

I want to share my life with people, all of my life, not just the pretty parts. You don't truly get to know someone, to trust them, to have relationship and community until you share your whole life, even the ugly parts.

So now, I am writing a new story for myself, one where there are no hidden chapters, where fear isn't hidden behind a smile, where grief has its place. No edits and re-writes. 

I want my life to be an open book.

There is life and love in our stories and I want to share mine with you. 

(And I want to be a part of yours!)

Present

I'm joining in with LisaJo for Five Minute Friday! Learn more about it and join the fun HERE

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no   backtracking. 

2. Link back here and invite others to join in. 

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.. 

I've been blessed beyond belief the last couple of weeks. To the point that I can't believe it. On one hand I want to yell from the rooftops the wonderful ways that God has provided for me. The way He continues to take care of me and Tanner. 

On the other hand, I feel like it's so extravagant that it's almost like bragging. I certainly don't deserve all of these blessings. Why me? 

Then I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine. I was telling her of these blessings and she was rejoicing with me! When I was told her how I was feeling conflicted about it, this is what she said to me:

"You are a daughter of the King of kings! Why wouldn't He give you all these blessings? He loves you!"

Something in my heart changed right in that moment as those words penetrated not just my ears, but my heart. God, my father, He loves me. He wants to take care of me. He wants to give me good gifts.

(Oh ya, and the devil, the one who says I don't deserve it, the one who whispers "why you?" in my ear, he is a liar.)

So I am here to shout from the rooftops how good God is! What a wonderful provider He is! How He loves me!  And I accept the gifts from Him as that, a present because He loves me and wants to take care of me, not because I'm "good enough" or because I "deserve" it, but because He loves me. 

In the next few weeks I will be having my furnace, water heater, central air conditioning, and my refrigerator all replaced at essentially no cost to me. As each appliance is replaced I will be thanking God knowing in my heart how much He loves me and I'll be sharing His love with anyone who will listen! 

And in the fall, when I am able to send my son to the christian school I've been praying about, I'll be telling everyone that the only way we could do it is because God provided. I had to spend all of my savings for his tuition on a major car repair, but I was informed last week that we would be getting a bonus in a couple of months! According to my manager, it should be double what I had to spend on my car repair. God is good and He loves His children.

"Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!"

                                                                   Matthew 7:9-11

In Between

I don't even know how this happened, that you are so big already. You are just a few months shy of double digits! Yet in my mind you are still my baby, always will be I suppose. But, in reality, you are not a baby. You aren't grown yet either, though. You are in between.

The other day you found some clothes you wore as a tiny newborn baby. Oh, how looking at them just grabbed my heart and squeezed til I could hardly breathe. Where did all the time go?  It's hard to believe you were ever that itty bitty.

Now, as I remember how you fell asleep sprawled over the recliner, legs long and hair messy, I ache for how quickly you are growing. So smart, so funny, so loving.

I am loving this in between time with you. We have hilarious conversations and sometimes I wonder how you got so smart! Other times you are still my little boy and hold my hand and want to cuddle with me. My heart bursts in those moments.

Son,  you are my greatest gift. You are a treasure to me and I don't want to miss a single minute of this wonderful time with you.

I'm linking up with LisaJo Baker for Five Minute Fridays! Join in and be blessed HERE!

Rhythm

Rhythm. 

The first thing that comes to mind about this word is that I cannot spell it. Ever. I always have to look it up. In fact, when I went to start this I had to refer back to Lisa-Jo's post to make sure I was spelling it right.

Yet, this hard to spell word seems to be a constant in my life.

I am always moved by the rhythm of things.

I'm comforted by the even back and forth of the rocking chair.

I'm soothed by the steady tapping of my foot.

The breathing of a sleeping baby is the sweetest rhythm of all.

The sound of waves beating against the shore.

The continual beating of a heart, the pounding rain on a rooftop.

I find God in the rhythm, a reminder that He is constant, like a rhythm.


I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker today for Five Minute Friday! To learn more and join in, click here!

View

I think about you a lot.
Missing you every day.
It's the little things that remind me of you......
A song that was your favorite,
A bike tire that needs fixing,
The sound of a lawnmower and the smell of fresh cut grass,
Our boy wearing your cologne to remind himself of you.....

It helps knowing where you are
Who you are with......
Sometimes I try to imagine the view.....
The golden streets,
The pearl gates,
The angels,
The room that Jesus made just for you.
And the one He is preparing for me.

Linking up with Lisa Jo Baker for Five Minute Fridays. Join in and be blessed!

Comfort

I know it's Thursday and we are just hours away from a new prompt for 5 Minute Fridays with Lisa Jo, but I've had this word on my mind all week. Since I had to do a tiny bit of "research" --does looking up words count as research?!?----I suppose I'm not following the rules, but here goes anyway! Just under the wire....

COMFORT

A few months back, during a sermon on Sunday morning, the pastor speaking was talking about the Holy Spirit and how He is our comforter. He then went on to explain that in Hebrew the word comfort actually means strengthen. I wanted to know more so I looked it up for myself......it not only means strengthen, it also means sustain, support .....comfort.

This is so much more than my version of comfort which was to soothe and console. And those are an important part of comfort, but to be strengthened, supported, sustained......it is so much more powerful!

 It also made me look back on my hardest of times and be able to see His presence with me. Holding me up, supporting me, sustaining me, strengthening me.....comforting me.

Linking up (a little late!) with Lisa Jo Baker for Five Minute Fridays! To join in click HERE!

Brave

Brave. It has been a topic of conversation around our house lately.

My 3rd grade son has been having trouble with a boy in his class bullying him. It is really hard to take, my momma bear really rises up. My son is a people-pleaser, conflict-avoider, super-sensitive, follow-alonger. I would like to say I have no idea where he got that from, but I can't. He totally got it from me.

I'm trying to teach him differently though.  I'm praying he can learn from my experiences and be brave way before I was. I'm learning it won't take him as long to trust Jesus as it did me.  See I used to think that "brave" meant having no fear. I was totally wrong, brave is having fear and doing it anyway.....that's what makes it brave. The other side to that is learning to trust Jesus in our fear. Knowing that Jesus is with us can make us brave in spite of our fear.

So, we've been praying and my son has been brave. He's gone to school and has been having a great week. (And the other boy has left him alone.)

Soon, I'll be taking lessons on bravery from him.

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I'm linking up with LisaJo today for Five Minute Friday! Join in and be blessed! To find out more, click HERE.

Friend

Friend. It is such a powerful word. Such an important word. For the longest time I was hurt, betrayed and withdrawn from friendship. I convinced myself I didn't need friends. I had my husband and my son and my family. What else did I need?

But it was lonely if I was honest. With no girls to giggle with, no one to turn to when things were hard. No one to tell the things I didn't really want to talk to my mom about.

Then I started to rely more on Jesus. Trusting him with my fears and my feelings. Through that, He opened my heart to real friendship. He made my heart brave(er) and I opened my door to one girl. One invitation, one dinner, has opened my heart to so much more. Through this one friend He has shown me how He loves me, how I can trust Him and the friends He leads me to. She has taught me the true meaning of friendship.

#Love #Honesty #Support #Prayer #Hugs #Truth #Friends #Love 

Today I am linking up with LisaJo for 5 Minute Friday! Join in and be blessed! Click HERE for the details!

Jump

My son is constantly jumping...on everything. He is a boy and he is 9, I suppose it comes with the territory but it drives me completely batty!!! He jumps on his bed and I fell like he will come through the ceiling when I am in the room below. So I make him stop. He jumps from the recliner to the couch to the other recliner and back again. He is pretending to be some jungle animal. But "we don't jump on the furniture" so I make him stop. Yesterday, we got a ton of April snow here in Minnesota so he went out to play. He didn't wear his snow pants but he was jumping and rolling in the snow. My instinct was to march right out there and tell him to stop. But I didn't. Instead I went out and played with him. We built a snowman, complete with easter egg eyes, an angry birds hat, a highlighter for a nose and my bright red scarf. We had a blast! Sometimes I just need to remember to take a deep breath and just jump, have fun, enjoy this gift of life we've been given. And my boy is the best one to remind me of this!

Today I am linking up with LisaJo for Five Minute Friday! Click here to find out what it's all about! Join in and be blessed!

Broken

Last night we remembered Passover and the Last Supper while we had our own dinner. It was the first time we've done this, but it felt important to do it this year. 

As we told the story of Passover, I was so impressed with what my son remembered and how he was able to connect the history to the symbolism and how it relates to us today. 

Then we talked about the Last Supper. 
We read the scriptures in Luke. 
We talked about sin.
We talked about sacrifice. 
We talked about Jesus on the cross. 
His body broken for us. 
To save us. 

Then we had communion together as family. 
Remembering Him.
Remember His sacrifice. 
Remembering His broken body.
Remembering His love.

Luke 22:14-20

14 When the hour came, Jesus and his apostles reclined at the table.

15 and he said to them, "I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer.

16 For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it finds fulfillment in the kingdom of God."

17 After taking the cup, he gave thanks and said, "Take this and divide it among you.

18 For I tell you I will not drink again from the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes."

19 And he took the bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me."

20 In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you."

Today I am linking up with Lisa-Jo for 5 Minute Fridays. To find out more, click here. Join in and be blessed! 

REST

Rest. It makes me think of the supernatural rest we can experience in Jesus when we just remember to go to Him with our weary bones.

When my husband was diagnosed with cancer almost 3 years ago to the day I was wrought with anxiety and fear. When you are faced with this awful knowing, the facts are not your friends. Google became my worst enemy telling me everything I didn't want to hear about my husbands chances.  Rushing to tests, surgeries, chemo, all of it was so tiring and had my edges worn and frayed, I was only holding together by the slimmest of threads.

Then I came to the point where I didn't want to hear anymore of it, no website, no brochure, no one knew what was going to happen to my husband except God. He is the one who numbers our days, no one else. I turned to God, I trusted Him for the outcome. That was His will would be done. I soaked in His word and prayed countless prayers. I breathed Romans 8:28.

In that, I found rest that cannot be explained with human terms. During the most difficult time of my life, I had rest. The rest that comes with turning everything over to Him. The rest that only He can provide.

He is tried and true. His love is never-ending and the comfort He provides is like none other.

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Today, I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for 5 Minute Friday. Join in and be blessed! :)

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.


2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Home

Home.  I'm sitting home. Alone.

This never happens. It is so quiet I can hear the ringing in my ears. 

My son is having a sleepover at a friends house tonight. Thus my reprieve. It seems blissful at first. Heavenly silence. I long for it all the time. But now that I've got it, it seems a bit lonely. 

Home is made up of all the wonderful sounds of childhood. Running up and down steps, giggling over tickles. Cuddles and pleas to stay up "just 5 more minutes". 

The sounds of home are so precious. I hope to never take them for granted and to enjoy each minute of noisy boy racket, remote control engines revving at my feet, requests for cookies and string cheese....... 

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Today I'm joining Lisa-Jo for 5 Minute Friday......

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Join in and be blessed!!!!!

Ordinary

The beauty of an ordinary day

He was recovering from a week of being sick and slept a good 2 hours longer than on a normal Saturday.

When he finally roused, we cuddled on the couch and watched old Godzilla cartoons from the '90's that I didn't even know existed.

It is still winter, but the sun was shining and it was exceptionally warm for a February in Minnesota so we took a walk, splashing in the puddles and crunching the crusty, frozen snow.

We ate peanut butter sandwiches and yogurt for lunch washing it all down with pink lemonade.

We searched Pinterest for a project that we actually had the supplies for. The upside of never emptying the bathroom garbage is an abundance of toilet paper rolls. We settled on a toilet-paper tube snake!

We talked and laughed and even did a little housework.

We ended the day with dinner at mom's (all the way across the street) a blessing for sure.

We ended the day where we started, cuddling on the couch watching more episodes of Godzilla.

It was an ordinary day that was anything but.

I wish that all Saturdays could be this "ordinary".

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I'm linking up with LisaJo today for 5 Minute Fridays!

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

What Mama Did

She held my hair...........


When I read this prompt the very first thing that I think of is that she held my hair. When I was a girl I had very long hair.....she loved my long blond hair. But when I would get sick, this beautiful hair was sure to get in my way and mom was always there to hold it back for me. Perhaps this isn't the most beautiful image, but in reality it symbolizes the never ending love that mom had/has for me. She was always there stroking my hair and making sure I was ok. It really is the little things that make the biggest impression. To this day when I am sick, I long for my mom to come over and hold back my hair and comfort me in the way that only a mother can.

A close second would be the bunny cakes that she always made for my birthday that always falls near Easter! :)

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Today I am linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for 5 Minute Fridays!

This weeks prompt is "What Mama Did".

In just five minutes. Tell me all about what your mama did that made her yours…
{and don’t forget to spend some time commenting on the post of the person who linked up just before you}

Click HERE to join in!

Beloved

Beloved

Beloved......This is a hard word for me. Yesterday was Valentine's Day, a day for lovers. Hard for me because my beloved is in heaven now. Last year, my first Valentine's day with out him, was hard in a different way, everything was still new so the hurt was much more raw. This year, it was different, I grieved the little things. My honey was a romantic at heart and always picked the most beautiful cards and wrote me beautiful lines of love. I miss that.

The other thing that was hard was that I wanted to express my sorrow, but didn't want to be a downer for others. How do I express myself without looking like I'm asking for sympathy? A simple heart on my honey's still active Facebook page was what I chose.

My son and I also made it a special day with a Dairy Queen date! My evening ended with suprise flowers and chocolates from an amazing couple at my church. God showed me I was HIS beloved and He sees my heart and He knew I needed a little extra love yesterday.
    
 Today I'm joining Lisa-Jo for 5 Minute Friday.......Here's the deal:  

1. Write for 5 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing.

2. Link back here and invite others to join in {www.lisajobaker.com}.

3. Go and tell the person who linked up before you what their words meant to you. Every writer longs to feel heard.

Join in and be blessed!!!!

Bare

Bare.

This week has been a tough one. I've got a place in my heart that I've been burying so deep that I forgot it was even there. God exposed it this week. He bared this place for me to see and for Him to heal. It hurts. A lot. Both the actual wound itself and the realization that it is causing me not to fully trust in Him.  The wound is the loss of my husband to cancer. I truly thought that I was past the part where I didn't trust God for the best for me. But as it turns out, I'm still kind of upset that He didn't provide us the miracle that we prayed for so fervently. He revealed this to me on Sunday evening and every. single. day. this week He has been faithful to provide me with examples of why HE IS TRUSTWORTHY. 

Times up. But I just wanted to share what He has been doing to bolster my trust. On Monday morning, through the Hello Mornings Abounding Hope Bible study of Job, He showed me that my suffering is not punishment. Seriously. This was so huge for me. Then yesterday we learned of God's tenderness. His tenderness. This isn't a quality I automatically attribute to God. He showed me that tenderness does not equal weakness and gave me a glimpse of the tenderness He feels. Then this morning we studied the armor of God and that He gives us everything we need in Him.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that He has more in store for me over the coming weeks as the Hello Morning email last Monday said that we would be studying Job and trust for the next 6 weeks!

It brings tears to my eyes to think of how He meets me in my place of weakness and hurt and heals my wounds. He waits patiently for me to be ready to accept his healing and grace. He is so faithful!

And I wonder why I have been so tired this week! :)


                                                        


I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo today for Five Minute Friday.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Go buck wild with encouragement for the five minuter who linked up before you.

AFRAID

AFRAID- 5 MINUTE FRIDAY

It's Friday (YAY!) and I'm linking up with LisaJo Baker for 5 Minute Fridays.

It's a wonderful writing exercise and an even better community! Come join us and be blessed!

This weeks word is "AFRAID."

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.

2. Link back here and invite others to join in.  

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.


Afraid. Boy this is a tough one. I'd rather not admit that I've lived most of my life afraid.

Afraid people won't like me.
Afraid I won't be "good enough."
Afraid of disease.
Afraid of trying new things.
Afraid of failure.
Afraid of success.
Afraid of relationships.



......Afraid of God.

It chokes me up just to type the words. It's no coincidence that this weeks word is afraid. Just this week as I was doing a discipleship study with a dear friend, God brought this fear to my attention.

We were studying the Holy Spirit. Our memory verse was:

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all of Judea and Sumaria and to the ends of the earth." 

~Acts 1:8

As we were talking it through, my difficulty in relating to the Holy Spirit, God gave me the revelation that I have been scared of the power that comes with the Holy Spirit.

Ouch. That one stung a bit, I have to admit. Scared of letting God do His good work in and through me.

But, knowing is half the battle. Now my prayer is that I will be released from this fear so that I can fully embrace all that He has for me.

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

 ~Romans 8:15

 P.s....I was really afraid to write this post. All week I was thinking about how I could share this. Apparently God really wanted me to share this since He had LisaJo pick "Afraid" as this weeks topic. :)

AGAIN

AGAIN - 5 MINUTE FRIDAY

It's Friday (YAY!) and I'm linking up with LisaJo Baker for 5 Minute Fridays. It's a wonderful writing exercise and an even better community! Come join us and be blessed! This weeks word is "Again."

Here are the "rules":

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.


2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..



Again.........

I drag myself out of bed, again.
I pick out his clothes and go wake him up, my sweet son.
I tell him to comb his hair and brush his teeth.....again. (and again and again!)
I pull myself together and hopefully remember to brush my own teeth.
I go to work, make the money to pay the bills and put the food on the table.
I run home and settle into the hectic evening.
I make dinner, do laundry, pick up the house.....again.
We struggle through homework and practice the spelling words.
We splash through bath time and get everything ready for morning, again.

He asks me to tuck him in and give him another kiss and hug.
I snuggle in and cuddle him and love him.
I am so blessed that I get to do it again.
I love this boy of mine more than any words and I'd do it all again
Every. single. minute.