Friendship

Over the past several years (or more...geez time flies!) I've mostly isolated myself. I have my BEST friend but she lives far away. As for friends that live in the same state as me, I've had none. I made very poor choices in my life and ended up being hurt over and over (and over) by people who claimed to be my friends. I knew they weren't trustworthy (frankly, there were times I wasn't a very good friend either) but I couldn't help but see the good in people and believe the best about them. Once I turned my life around (or more accurately, God turned my life around for me) and removed myself from these circumstances and these people, I was left with no one that I could trust. Not even myself. I got to the point that I was afraid to have a friend, because I was sure that I would pick someone that would betray me.

Then I met my husband and he filled that void. He was my best friend, my confidante, my everything. I got used to having someone to talk to and to trust with my feelings. Then I lost him. I was left alone again on a day to day basis. I still had my best friend (and always will!). But not having someone to call to come over and eat ice cream on a whim is lonely.

It's not like I was alone all the time. I had acquaintances from church who I considered friends, but we didn't socialize or talk on a regular basis. SO many people were there for me, but I wasn't ready to let them in. Not all the way, anyway. Throughout the couple of years going through cancer with my husband and his passing, God was showing me all of the people that cared for me. He was showing me how much HE cared for me through all of these people. People I didn't think even knew who I was. People I didn't know.

It's been a year now since his passing and some of these relationships have developed into true friendships, but still no friends that I had regular relationship with. Then one day I moved. A girl from church that I've always admired, but never really talked to much, volunteered to help me move. I was so touched. We spent only a little time together that day, but I felt so drawn to her. I wanted to be her friend. I ignored my fears and followed God's lead and emailed her and asked her over for dinner.

She accepted! We have had so much fun getting to know each other. She inspires me in her faith and her devotion to God and her family and friends. We laugh and have such a good time together. She has been such a blessing in my life! I told her the other day how she was the first new friend I've let into my life in so long. It was hard to admit, but I am so glad for this new relationship. I am learning to trust people again and through them, I am learning to trust God even more.
Friends are a blessing and I'm so glad that God is bringing me trustworthy good friends to spend time with!

“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”
― Helen Keller

The W word

Widow. If I am honest with myself, I hate this word. It reminds me of the loss of the love of my life. It reminds me that all my dreams of being married and having a family (in the traditional sense) were realized and then lost.

But it is so much more than that. It is an ugly word and there are so many connotations that are bad. When I hear the word widow, I think of a bitter, old, lonely woman who never smiles. She dresses in drab colors, has unkempt hair and wrinkles from frowning. Her eyes are empty. You feel sorry for her when you look at her.

This is not who I am. This is not who I am called to be. I like to smile. I love to see the joy in everyday things. I am lonely sometimes, but in the solitude I am drawn closer to Jesus.

I did some bible study on the word "widow" and I found so many instances where God commands us to care for widows and fatherless children. It gives me so much comfort knowing that he understands my grief and has given specific instructions for my care.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

                                                                                                  ~James 1:27 (NIV)

                                                   "Learn to do right; seek justice.

                                                    Defend the oppressed.

                                                    Take up the cause of the fatherless;

                                                    Plead the case of the widow."

                                                                                ~Isaiah 1:17 (NIV)

       

I miss my husband so much. But I am not alone. Not only do I have my family and friends looking out for me and supporting me. I have God.

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling."

                                                                                                                                ~Psalm 68:5

I have a father in heaven who is there for me whenever I am lonely, whenever I am sad, when I am scared and when I am lost. Knowing He is there for me gives me strength. It brings me joy.

"......Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

                                                                     ~Nehemiah 8:10

***Linking up with Ann at www.aholyexperience.com***