Thursday, November 15, 2012

When God Speaks

So, God has been drawing me ever closer to Him these past few weeks. Every time I turn around, there is a book, a scripture, a song, an encouraging word from a friend, a new book study, a blog post, the list is seemingly unending in how He has been speaking to me these days.

I've been feeling closer to Him, but still not connected like I want to be. The desire in my heart is growing and the same old thing just isn't enough anymore. I've been reading my bible, reading christian blogs, reading books, and most of all on my knees praying, like never before. I've been pleading with Him to speak to me, to guide me, to tell me HIS heart.

So, yesterday morning I went to church. It was great. Worship was great, the message was inspiring. I went back for the women's book study at 5. Again, a blessed time with women of God, learning, loving and sharing. I have amazing women of faith in my small group and I am so encouraged and energized for the Lord by them. There are no coincidences that I am in this group with these women. After the book study, we  stayed for the evening service. These Gathering Unto Him services have been taking place for 6 years. This weekend was the 6th anniversary celebration. I have been feeling guilty for not attending regularly, or at all considering I probably haven't attended 6 times in the past 6 years. But I went last week and again last night.

The worship was amazing. AMAZING! However, I wasn't feeling overwhelmed by the Spirit personally. I was longing for intimacy, to know that HE knew I was there. finally. However, I worshiped with my whole heart, knowing that I love Him and He is worthy of all praise.  As the worship was winding down, a young man went up and spoke. What he spoke were words directly from God's heart to mine. He said that he felt like God was saying that He didn't care if I was there for the last 6 years or if I was getting up early to read my bible. That I was asking for His heart. He didn't speak it directly to me, he just spoke out. His obedience dropped me to me knees. I knew that God was speaking to ME.


Then, a lovely woman of God heard my cries as this young man spoke and came to me. She hugged me and gave me another message from God. That I didn't have to be brave all the time. That I didn't have to be brave in front of HIM.  I couldn't stand from the weight of HIS love.

When God speaks, things change. One of the lyrics we were singing said "In your presence, I am undone."
It is the truth. I was completely undone for the rest of the evening. I sat on my bed and cried for the longest time, just knowing that He spoke to me.

My heart was changed last night. I woke up a different person today. I really feel like something inside of me has changed. My heart feels more tender and I have this love for HIS creation. I am clinging to this love, this mercy, this Fathers heart for me. I'm not letting go.

Friday, November 2, 2012

FMF: Roots


When I saw this prompt the very first thing that came into my mind was a song we sing during worship in church. I looked it up and it is called "Tree" and if I had to venture a guess I'd say it was based on Jeremiah 17:8.

Having roots that go down deep has long been a desire of my heart. For the longest time, this was only a physical desire of mine. As a child, we moved A LOT! I went to 10 schools by the time I graduated. This caused me a lot of anxiety as I was already a shy and timid child. I longed to live in the same place and be around the same people. This continued after I was on my own. I think I moved every 6 months or so for the first few years I was living independently. Finally, last summer I bought a townhouse for my son and I to live in. Our roots are already starting to develop here. We've made several friends in the new neighborhood and are really feeling the community.

Also, more recently I've had a desire for my spirtual roots to "go down deep". I have this inner longing to know Jesus better, to be solid in HIM. I've been through a lot in my life and I don't expect that things are going to get easier in the world any time soon. However, I do know that God has been with me throughout and that if my roots are in HIM I'll make it through whatever comes my way.

If you haven't heard this song before, I included the link. I hope it blesses you as much as it does me!

I'm linking up with for Five Minute Fridays! Join us! It's simple and so fun!

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Thursday, November 1, 2012


Over the past several years (or more...geez time flies!) I've mostly isolated myself. I have my BEST friend but she lives far away. As for friends that live in the same state as me, I've had none. I made very poor choices in my life and ended up being hurt over and over (and over) by people who claimed to be my friends. I knew they weren't trustworthy (frankly, there were times I wasn't a very good friend either) but I couldn't help but see the good in people and believe the best about them. Once I turned my life around (or more accurately, God turned my life around for me) and removed myself from these circumstances and these people, I was left with no one that I could trust. Not even myself. I got to the point that I was afraid to have a friend, because I was sure that I would pick someone that would betray me.

Then I met my husband and he filled that void. He was my best friend, my confidante, my everything. I got used to having someone to talk to and to trust with my feelings. Then I lost him. I was left alone again on a day to day basis. I still had my best friend (and always will!). But not having someone to call to come over and eat ice cream on a whim is lonely.

It's not like I was alone all the time. I had acquaintances from church who I considered friends, but we didn't socialize or talk on a regular basis. SO many people were there for me, but I wasn't ready to let them in. Not all the way, anyway. Throughout the couple of years going through cancer with my husband and his passing, God was showing me all of the people that cared for me. He was showing me how much HE cared for me through all of these people. People I didn't think even knew who I was. People I didn't know.

It's been a year now since his passing and some of these relationships have developed into true friendships, but still no friends that I had regular relationship with. Then one day I moved. A girl from church that I've always admired, but never really talked to much, volunteered to help me move. I was so touched. We spent only a little time together that day, but I felt so drawn to her. I wanted to be her friend. I ignored my fears and followed God's lead and emailed her and asked her over for dinner.

She accepted! We have had so much fun getting to know each other. She inspires me in her faith and her devotion to God and her family and friends. We laugh and have such a good time together. She has been such a blessing in my life! I told her the other day how she was the first new friend I've let into my life in so long. It was hard to admit, but I am so glad for this new relationship. I am learning to trust people again and through them, I am learning to trust God even more.
Friends are a blessing and I'm so glad that God is bringing me trustworthy good friends to spend time with!

“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”
Helen Keller