So, God has been drawing me ever closer to Him these past few weeks. Every time I turn around, there is a book, a scripture, a song, an encouraging word from a friend, a new book study, a blog post, the list is seemingly unending in how He has been speaking to me these days.
I've been feeling closer to Him, but still not connected like I want to be. The desire in my heart is growing and the same old thing just isn't enough anymore. I've been reading my bible, reading christian blogs, reading books, and most of all praying.....like on my knees praying, like never before. I've been pleading with Him to speak to me, to guide me, to tell me HIS heart.
So, yesterday morning I went to church. It was great. Worship was great, the message was inspiring. I went back for the women's book study at 5. Again, a blessed time with women of God, learning, loving and sharing. I have amazing women of faith in my small group and I am so encouraged and energized for the Lord by them. There are no coincidences that I am in this group with these women. After the book study, we stayed for the evening service. These Gathering Unto Him services have been taking place for 6 years. This weekend was the 6th anniversary celebration. I have been feeling guilty for not attending regularly, or at all considering I probably haven't attended 6 times in the past 6 years. But I went last week and again last night.
The worship was amazing. AMAZING! However, I wasn't feeling overwhelmed by the Spirit personally. I was longing for intimacy, to know that HE knew I was there. finally. However, I worshiped with my whole heart, knowing that I love Him and He is worthy of all praise. As the worship was winding down, a young man went up and spoke. What he spoke were words directly from God's heart to mine. He said that he felt like God was saying that He didn't care if I was there for the last 6 years or if I was getting up early to read my bible. That I was asking for His heart. He didn't speak it directly to me, he just spoke out. His obedience dropped me to me knees. I knew that God was speaking to ME.
HE HEARS MY PRAYERS!!!!
Then, a lovely woman of God heard my cries as this young man spoke and came to me. She hugged me and gave me another message from God. That I didn't have to be brave all the time. That I didn't have to be brave in front of HIM. I couldn't stand from the weight of HIS love.
When God speaks, things change. One of the lyrics we were singing said "In your presence, I am undone."
It is the truth. I was completely undone for the rest of the evening. I sat on my bed and cried for the longest time, just knowing that He spoke to me.
My heart was changed last night. I woke up a different person today. I really feel like something inside of me has changed. My heart feels more tender and I have this love for HIS creation. I am clinging to this love, this mercy, this Fathers heart for me. I'm not letting go.